Post by syathx on Sept 25, 2014 20:17:36 GMT -5
So you guys want to know why I am mad. Well I guess to understand it. You might need to understand that Growing up has been hard for me. I was molested, I been kidnaped. I been stabbed 8 times. Burned on 84% of my back. I been talked down to. Everyone I loved had died or left me. I have no friends. No one to notice if something happened to me or to message or text me and just see how i am. My step dad was abusive. He used to chain me up. Hit me. He forced me to get a black belt because he said the world was a mean place. He was a green bray in the special forces. I havent seen my daughter in two years. When I was 8 i found my uncle dead. I mean so much that I could stand here for days and never get it all out. I was born dead, I had an abnormal heart. My whole life has been one giant fight with never a moments of rest. Growing up. Singing was my passion. Thats why I share it. It means more than any of these words can show. Its what helped me calm down and get threw the nights when I was alone.. Just two weeks ago my friend Sarah asked me to go to a church dinner. She new I don't believe in God. She was a big believe tho. Always helping others. We was planning are futures ( not as a couple. Just what we wanted to do in life. ) Well as we was getting in the car someone rear ended us. She wasn't fully in. it threw her 20 feet and busted her skull open and broke so many of her bones. Now I ran to her. Held her in my arms. Warm blood soaking my shirt. As she sat there dying. All those plans. Her whole future gone.
This is the typical stuff that happens to me. I take care of my mom whos also dying. I had to take off of college because of it and move home. I lost my job and everything which meant a lot because i worked hard to go from a street rat to a pretty wealthy guy. ( 114,000 a year. To me that was so much ) not counting all the love life issues you guys have heard me bitch about. I just pissed off at life. I mean now what??I get to watch my mom die before I can work, get my own places and continue college again while my sister parties and everything works out for her and everyone loves her? Its not right, but i try to be positive. Look forward. To see the world half full, on my arm I have a tat. It says Be Here Now. It means live in the present not the past. Because if you look behind you, then you might miss your future. I got that to cover up the scars where I used to cut, see my baby momma I thought was my soul mate, we did everything together. We used to shower. Watch shows. go to school. Share a lock. Everything for three years of my life. Every day from the time I woke. Till I fell asleep i was with her. I had all my classes changed to be with her. When I had to stay at home, I used to ride my bike at the time 6 miles to her house, to ride the bus to school with her which was right beside my house where I road from. Then id ride home with her and ride my bike all the way back home and when she left i couldn't even breath on my own. I tried to kill my self but that wouldnt even fuckig work, I stabbed my self 14 times. When I finally got out of the hospital, I was put in a mental hospital. After some work and motivation from my own personal thoughts I got over it but now all that depression is back. I find it hard to get out of bed. I haven't even found the motivation to play ragnarok in 2 weeks. Which is sad because games are my escape. Somewhere people can people can want me for parties and hang out and i don't have to be me. Where the bad things don't happen. Im just so pissed off that nothing works out.
Not even the fucking games. I can't even support my own fucking strawberries in ragnarok. Im so fucking pissed off, most the time even in a fucking chat room when i talk i'm ignored. I tried getting with my ex today and she wasn't talking to me. She is always so unemotional. You can type out a hue message and all she will say is ok. and i just fucking lost it. I mean god damn is that that fucking hard to take the time type what you think how you feel or to even say you don't give a fuck i mean do i mean so fucking little that people can't even take the time to reply, to move there damn figures over a few keys to at lest say they don't care. I mean god damn i do everything for people, I keep everything to my self. I never yell or cuss people.
and i'm always there for everyone but god damn im just mad at the world. I just want to shove my fucking fist threw someones face right. I never been violent but i'm tired of being ignored, talked down to. made to feel like im a mistake. Im tired of god, or life or whoever it is thats always causing bad shit to happen, i'm tired of fucking complaining and then feeling bad for it when i always fucking help everyone. Im just fucking tired of it. I so fucking fed up with life. Im reach my point where im fucking sick of it and if you don't like what i got to say or think its stupid no one made you read it so i dont fucking care. Because thats how angry I am. Sorry but not sorry. For once I am going to get stuff off my chest and remember you chose to click the topic. In the end. Bad shits happened a few times. And Things are not even working out in game. So when I talked to my ex and she couldn't even take the time to reply to my messages properly. I Just felt like she didn't care and I lost it. I just dealt with far too much, for far too long. <3 thanks to anyone who took the time to get to this point in my message. Love you.
This is the typical stuff that happens to me. I take care of my mom whos also dying. I had to take off of college because of it and move home. I lost my job and everything which meant a lot because i worked hard to go from a street rat to a pretty wealthy guy. ( 114,000 a year. To me that was so much ) not counting all the love life issues you guys have heard me bitch about. I just pissed off at life. I mean now what??I get to watch my mom die before I can work, get my own places and continue college again while my sister parties and everything works out for her and everyone loves her? Its not right, but i try to be positive. Look forward. To see the world half full, on my arm I have a tat. It says Be Here Now. It means live in the present not the past. Because if you look behind you, then you might miss your future. I got that to cover up the scars where I used to cut, see my baby momma I thought was my soul mate, we did everything together. We used to shower. Watch shows. go to school. Share a lock. Everything for three years of my life. Every day from the time I woke. Till I fell asleep i was with her. I had all my classes changed to be with her. When I had to stay at home, I used to ride my bike at the time 6 miles to her house, to ride the bus to school with her which was right beside my house where I road from. Then id ride home with her and ride my bike all the way back home and when she left i couldn't even breath on my own. I tried to kill my self but that wouldnt even fuckig work, I stabbed my self 14 times. When I finally got out of the hospital, I was put in a mental hospital. After some work and motivation from my own personal thoughts I got over it but now all that depression is back. I find it hard to get out of bed. I haven't even found the motivation to play ragnarok in 2 weeks. Which is sad because games are my escape. Somewhere people can people can want me for parties and hang out and i don't have to be me. Where the bad things don't happen. Im just so pissed off that nothing works out.
Not even the fucking games. I can't even support my own fucking strawberries in ragnarok. Im so fucking pissed off, most the time even in a fucking chat room when i talk i'm ignored. I tried getting with my ex today and she wasn't talking to me. She is always so unemotional. You can type out a hue message and all she will say is ok. and i just fucking lost it. I mean god damn is that that fucking hard to take the time type what you think how you feel or to even say you don't give a fuck i mean do i mean so fucking little that people can't even take the time to reply, to move there damn figures over a few keys to at lest say they don't care. I mean god damn i do everything for people, I keep everything to my self. I never yell or cuss people.
and i'm always there for everyone but god damn im just mad at the world. I just want to shove my fucking fist threw someones face right. I never been violent but i'm tired of being ignored, talked down to. made to feel like im a mistake. Im tired of god, or life or whoever it is thats always causing bad shit to happen, i'm tired of fucking complaining and then feeling bad for it when i always fucking help everyone. Im just fucking tired of it. I so fucking fed up with life. Im reach my point where im fucking sick of it and if you don't like what i got to say or think its stupid no one made you read it so i dont fucking care. Because thats how angry I am. Sorry but not sorry. For once I am going to get stuff off my chest and remember you chose to click the topic. In the end. Bad shits happened a few times. And Things are not even working out in game. So when I talked to my ex and she couldn't even take the time to reply to my messages properly. I Just felt like she didn't care and I lost it. I just dealt with far too much, for far too long. <3 thanks to anyone who took the time to get to this point in my message. Love you.